We have both been married before. We have both been through divorces. Following our divorces, we both met the people we thought we had futures with... and both turned out to be big disappointments.
Fast forward to meeting each other... We went on our first date to a sweet little waterfront coffee shop, where we talked about everything. I guess that's what is different about dating in your late 30's; you cut right through the BS. We told each other about our past relationships, what the deal-breakers had been and we laid our cards on the table. This is me, take it or leave it.
When you go through enough stuff, you learn what things are important to you and you get pretty good at determining if someone's personality, lifestyle, morals and goals will fit with yours. I think deep down I knew, that day, that this was a man I could see a future with.
I knew we got along great and enjoyed each other's company, and that we wanted the same things in life. After a while, he had introduced me to his kid and when munchkin and I had bonded, he asked me to move in with him. It wasn't long afterwards that I told him I loved him. He didn't say it back. Before you get angry or upset on my behalf, you should know some things about him.
Here's the thing. He's a retired Marine and a Police Officer. So, unlike other people, he's seen both the best and the worst that humanity has to offer. He takes his time with things and doesn't impetuously do anything. When he says or does anything, it is with full intent. Add to that, having both he and his munchkin getting burned emotionally by my predecessor and you can imagine that he would want to take his time with regard to expressing those feelings. He was loving and caring, but very guarded when it came to taking that huge step and saying those three little words. He had to think of not just himself, but munchkin's feelings too. I understood and I respected him more for it.
On a particularly difficult evening for me, we were having a campfire with friends and we ran out of wood. Hubs and our friends (known affectionately as Other Wife and Other Husband) were trying to cheer me up with music, but I had gotten some sad news about a friend and there was no snapping me out of it. So when I cried that we had no wood but our neighbors had entire trees, hubs and other hubs sprang into action. They ran into the woods behind our house and came out carrying a six foot log!
In an additional attempt to cheer me up they used caveman speak and said "wife want tree, husbands get tree!" Hubs went on further to say "well if that doesn't show how much we love you, then I don't know what does." From that day forward, whenever he wanted to express his feelings without fully saying the words, he would say "tree", draw a tree on cards, or text the tree emoji. Other Wife and I believed that tree meant "I love you" but he would just smile slyly when I asked and neither confirm or deny it. It was very cute and sweet, but after a while, I started to wonder if I was reading into it too much.
There was a good five months of me openly telling him I loved him and him showing that he loved me by tree-ing instead. So imagine my surprise when a bouquet of flowers arrived on my birthday with a card saying "Happy Birthday, Love Hubs" He used love. The actual word. Not a tree drawing. I was happily bewildered.
There is some more backstory to this. I'm sure you're wondering why I'm referring to him as Hubs and why I have friends called Other Wife and Other Husband. Well there is a joke amongst my girlfriends and I that Polygamists have the right idea, but wrong execution. We love the idea of Sister Wives but could NEVER share a husband. We jokingly began referring to each other as Sister Wives. Our men joked that it would make them Brother Husbands. We all started jokingly stating "this is my wife, this is my other wife, this is my husband and this is my other husband." Well our friends are all married, so not to be left out, Anthony started calling me Wife and I call him Husband, which in conversation often gets shortened to Hubs.
So, now you're caught up and I can tell you the proposal story with it making sense!
Hubs was off work on my Birthday, but had said that he was called in to court to testify on an arrest he had made. I had to work so I wasn't upset, and just said that I hoped he would make it home by the time I was off work so we could go out to dinner together. He got home and we had a few hours to spare before our dinner reservation so we decided to watch a movie. I'm a fidget and normally play with his hair (love me that Marine Corps buzz cut) so it is normal for him to sit on the floor in front of where I'm sitting on the couch. Normally I place a throw pillow behind his neck for support, but this day was different.
He laid his head sideways onto the pillow and had the pillow over his left arm and right hand. Now it is also normal that while I'm fidgeting with his hair with my right hand, he is usually holding my left in whatever hand is free. However, it isn't normal for him to hold my hand under the pillow. When he pulled my left hand under the pillow, all of a sudden I got very nervous. More so when he kept glancing back at me instead of watching the movie. At one point he asked me "Wife, can I have your full attention?" and I replied "Of course" but then he turned back to face the TV. I went to pull my hand out and re-position myself, but he held onto it with a death grip!
I don't know if he realized it but at that time he started fidgeting with a very important finger on my left hand. I was no longer hearing the TV as my heart had started to pound so loudly. After what felt like an hour, but was probably closer to a minute, he turned back around and the following exchange took place:
Hubs: You like me, right?So he places a ring on my finger, still under the pillow and says "now I hope you're not disappointed in the ring." and lets go so I can pull my hand out. He had proposed with a wedding band because he had gone to the jewelry store and picked out a ring, but wanted to make sure I would like it first. I loved it and I explained to him that it was what the ring symbolized, not the ring itself that was meaningful. Jewelry is not what is important. Love is what matters. I proudly wear, what will be, my wedding band, and will enjoy telling the story of how he proposed with it, for years to come.
Me: Of course...
Hubs: And you love me?
Me: Yes...
Hubs: Well I love you...
Me: You do????
Hubs: Yes. Would you like to be a real wife?
Me: Yes (trying not to cry at this point)
Hubs: Will You Marry Me?
Me: YES!!!
My Engagement / Wedding Band
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